Author • Bakhita

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"Oh my loving husband, death is so cruel to have taken you away from me.

Oh Daddy, how unfair death is!"

...

Of course, death is cruel and really mean; lOl. Who loves death in the first place? Do You?

Everyone is sad or permit me to say pretends to be sad at the loss of somebody or a dear one. Losing people dear to us is real pain and can be very traumatic. The grief experienced at that time is unexplainable. Just as people are different, so is grief. Grief comes in stages and there is an acronym for the different stages; DABDA. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. 

First, we deny that the person is dead and it is a lie then, comes anger and loads and lots of questions especially for God and maybe for some other persons. We, then, bargain and move on to the stage of feeling depressed. The most dangerous stage is the stage of depression, because if care is not taken it would be difficult to get out of. It is at this stage that we begin to have thoughts about how we can go on and move on without that particular person. It is more difficult moving on from the loss of someone very dear to our hearts; someone we shared very deep connection with; like a husband, wife or our parents and benefactors. 

The next and last stage is Acceptance. This is the stage where we come to terms with the reality of what has happened and find ways to heal and move on. Indeed, death can strike at odd times but the question is, is there really a right time for death? You are old enough to die from the moment you are born or let me say from the point of conception.

Here is the question, do we really cry because we will really miss those who died or because they will no longer be available to do the things they used to do or are supposed to do for us? Is the tears from a genuine heart filled with love and concern or from a heart of entitlement, ingratitude? Is it from a heart who is only concerned about how fast the body can be committed to mother Earth so, the sharing of properties and distribution of material things can begin? Is the tears from a heart seeking pure and undiluted revenge or from a dark heart filled with unforgiveness? Or is it from a heart who is happy at the death because it is an open access to properties and the riches of the dead? Or is it from a heart filled with regrets due to not being there? It could also be from a guilty heart. There are a million and one reasons why people shed tears and act like they want to kill themselves at burials and funeral ceremonies. Some reasons we know and others we know not and may never know.

Death is like a breakfast that will go around; for some it will be lunch, for others it might be dinner and who knows, some may have it as brunch but the good thing is whichever way it comes, it will be enough for all of us. We will eat and have our fill. Death once served me a breakfast about eleven years ago and that was for my Grandma but I felt nothing because I was a child and did not really understand what it meant. So, death in its benevolence decided to serve me dinner and trust me when I say the dinner was bitter and it was served in a big bowl and the bowl was filled to the brim. The dinner was the death of the man I grew up knowing as my father; my Uncle. His death is something that is still difficult to talk about till today but then there is nothing I can do about.

The aftermath of the loss of a dear one can be very unbearable. People fighting for properties if the deceased has properties; some pretending not to be interested at first. People whom you have always known to care will suddenly disappear and be nowhere to be found. Those who ate and dined with you will not even be present to wipe your tears not to even talk of asking about your welfare. Those who promised forever might not be there to even give you a hand. 

I urge as you read through this to prepare yourself for the inevitable and the aftermath of the inevitable. Yes, there is no proper preparation but the best preparation I advise is to get closer to the people you hold dear. Ask them the questions you have been dying to ask even if you feel they are irrelevant. It is best to ask so that had I known will not be the next after food is served. Get to know the secrets and the things they do not speak of so loudly. Yes, you may not be able to do so much but at least try your best so you will not be left with regrets like I am. Enjoy every moment you have with these people because it will not last forever. Nothing lasts forever anyway.

In case you are in a similar shoe, please forgive yourself. Do for those who are alive the things you could not do for the deceased. Keep the legacy and incorporate their dreams into yours because by that, you keep them alive in your daily activities and even in your words. Moving on, live well and try to be there for others. YOU WILL DIE SOMEDAY ANYWAY…LOL

• THANKS FOR READING TO THIS POINT •

WELL…IT HAPPENS

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