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Author •  Agbeye-Jules Jojo



Image text of desire

Desires! They are what make life worth living. Humans are born with desires, some they create, some they are given, others the world gives us. And these are what set our lives in motion. They are what make life worth living. The desire to feed, to acquire things, to be accepted, to build things, to give things, and most commonly; to be loved. And like every battle, we win some and lose some. In a quest to be loved, there is a common belief that there is a possibility that there is someone who is meant for you, someone whom you will share a connection with even if you are meeting them for the first time, someone you are destined to be with, someone who is your soul mate. All these, popularly referred to as – THE ONE. While this concept sounds and feels amazing, it does not exist. If it did, there would be chaos! And there are several reasons to show why the concept of soulmates should not and does not exist. Let us settle on two for now.

First, there is the division that exists among humans. While we all have blood running through our veins, skin covering up a skeletal frame work and air flowing in our lungs, we are not all the same. The human race is broken down into positioning in geography, race, religion, age, status of wealth, sexuality, etc. All of these things matter in creating any kind of relationship, and since they are defined by factors that are mostly external, it’ll be impossible to find a balance between two humans who are not together based on some sort of resolution created by choice. Most importantly is the presence of choice itself. Even for things we have almost no control over, a choice brought us there. As long as humans function, the ability to choose will exist. Therefore, there will never exist one path, one decision, and ultimately one person for us. You will be compatible with a lot of people who appeal to different aspects of what makes you you. Partnership with a person does not hinge on emotional ecstasy alone, and healthy relationships are built on the foundation of good choices, hard work and grace (or in some cases, luck). Debra Fileta in her piece, Why there’s no such thing as ‘the one” says, “True love is based on a healthy combination of facts, feelings, and a whole lot of good choices”, and no one has said it better. The one does not exist! It does boil down to a good number of characteristics that a person can possess, but there is no such thing as, “the one” and that is why we can like/ connect with so many  people in a lifetime even when we are committed to one.

There are a lot of internal factors that make up who we chose to be with; physical attraction, compatibility, connection of values, etc. However, just like you will never love yourself a 100% (all humans will always find something wrong with themselves and will definitely make deliberate or undeliberate choices that will hurt them), it is impossible to like a person 100% for who they are, as well as guarantee that you will not accidentally or deliberately hurt them. Choosing a person therefore boils down to choosing who and what you can live with and endure. The only challenge is that a lot of humans find it hard to be honest with themselves about that. Sometimes, it may also be because the partner was cunning enough to conceal who they truly are (which is why it is advised to take time to fully get to know someone really well, as not all of us can be lucky to be with someone who is true to himself or herself even to others).

The concept of “the one” may guarantee a person that will tick all the boxes in your heart but it will not be able to guarantee a lasting relationship. And this is because building something that will last is not purely based on the emotional, and that is the only aspect that “the one” can guarantee. Do you know why love will never be enough? It is because love and happiness are not the same. And as sweet as love is, it does not and will not guarantee happiness, it however is a right and needed ingredient. It needs to be understood that a relationship is more about who you are, what you want, what you can take, and what would work for you more than what or who that person is. But it will definitely be your decision to choose. Deciding to let the universe, faith, moral ground, religion, values, etc., choose for you is still a choice. We will always have to choose. The decision of whom to be with is similar to choosing what you eat, what you wear, where to live, what to believe, etc. All of these choices will have an effect on you as a person and how you turn out. While “the one” does not exist, you can however prepare yourself to be right enough for what you need and deserve. Right enough, because no one will ever be truly perfect. And when that person does come along, you can both create the-one-kind of relationship you want and deserve.


Readersketch  | Ed. Adesola Oluwafemi
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