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7 RELATIONSHIP NUGGETS

Praise Ogunleke
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How does it feel when you've been fasting for forty days and forty nights and boom, you have a plate of rice and plantain, pounded yam and vegetables, smiling before you. You don't even know where to start from because you want to devour everything at once. That's exactly how I feel right now. It's difficult to get the perfect starting point but I will get started somehow.

In my conversations with people overtime, I have noticed that many understand the value of relationships but are not sure of how to push the right buttons to maintain a good relationship. I'll be sharing a few nuggets that you can poke around in and I believe they'd be helpful.

I'll start by giving you a glimpse into what the Pareto principle is all about. Ever heard of it? It is also called the 80-20 rule. Vilfredo Pareto, an Italian economist, found the principle back in 1895. In his discovery, he broke the society into "the vital few" and the "trivial many". 

The vital few comprised of 20% of the population that had the wealth of Italy in the palms of their hands at the time. While the trivial many comprised of people that were at the bottom.

Now the interesting thing about principles is that you can apply them to different contexts. You can apply them to economics, to healthcare, to leadership. Ditto for relationships. Not romantic, I mean relationships that feature a profound exchange of value. 

So it holds that 20% of your relationships control 80% of the events in your life. What is the definition of wisdom here? Investing more in the vital 20%. Some people must remain friends while some must remain acquaintances. 

As a people, we are constantly challenged by an absence of resolute relationships and that's what I'm expanding on today. For some, they shift blames to introversion. 

For some, their relationships are marred by an inability to communicate effectively. For others, it's neither introversion, nor an inability to communicate, but an absence of value exchange, which has made a mess of their relationships.

I'd like to share with you reasons why you've found it difficult to build a solid relationship with certain people. I'm sure most of them, if not all, would resonate with you.

 1.  RELATIONSHIP IS AN INVESTMENT: There are millions of people in the world. That man you want to build a relationship with wants to see that the investment will be worth it. So when you approach people, they scrutinize you to be sure their investment of time, hopes and energy in you would be worth it. 

Here's a quick and familiar question: Before you invest in a business, wouldn't it be wise to calculate the ROI(return of investment)? That said, the investment is supposed to come from both parties. You don't want to be a parasitic friend!

2. YOU HAVE NOT PASSED THEIR pUTME: If you are familiar with admission processes especially in Nigeria, you should understand that you'd need to write UTME and pUTME. UTME is simply JAMB - what everyone writes that qualify them for admission into universities. 

Now, after writing UTME, you'd be required to pick certain schools and write their post-UTME. Now here's the gist. After writing post UTME, some would score 60 and some, 80. 60 is a pass and so is 80. But if you're interested in a course like law, a 60-percent might not get you that. You might need a 75% and above. So this is how relationships work. 

Your worth (pUTME) can easily make some people become friends with you. But for people with very high standards, you need very high marks, very high standards. You must beat their expectations to have access to them. Do not be deceived; money is not a requisite to gain access into the lives of these people. Rather, you should ask yourself what your worth is, what you can offer, what problems you can solve for them. You should ask yourself why they should grant you access. 

On the flip side, if you haven't passed their pUTME, don't beat yourself up for it. Just keep building. Your time will come! And again, you don't need to pass some people's pUTME to secure access. You don't deserve them but God decides to bless you with them. Ever heard of destiny relationships? Yes, that's it.

I'll digress here a bit. People can reject you because you have not passed their pUTME/met up with their standards. Also, people can reject you because they don't know your worth. 

This is how I console myself at times. If someone does not recognize gold, how do you think the person would treat it? The person might even throw the precious stone away. So that's life. People will throw you away at times because they are blind to your potentials. So don't feel bad, they don't know your worth. No, they honestly don't deserve you.

 3.  YOU HAVE NOT PASSED THE TEST OF TRUST: People do this a lot. This is where I call the scrutiny stage in relationships. They must see that you are genuine and trustworthy before they let you into their lives. You cannot be telling them the secrets of Mr A and Miss B and expect them to divulge their thoughts and secrets to you. They'd be fools if they try that. 

So stop trying to impress people by telling them the secrets of others, or gossiping about them. C'mon, you're better than that. Great people discuss ideas, not people.

 4.  YOU ARE GIVING WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE: Yes, you can. How does the moon give light to the earth? Before I bore you with the jargon of science, I'll share some details. The moon does not produce light itself, it only reflects the light from the sun. This is common in this 21st century. Many don't have value but only reflect the value of others. 

Here's an illustration that might suffice. On your Facebook page, you only share the posts of people who share good stuff. People get value indirectly through you but they know you are not the one giving the value. You are only reflecting the value but you are empty yourself. This is where self-investment comes in. Once people realise that you hold no value, they'd discard you immediately.

 5.  YOU ARE RUSHING: Everything worthy takes time to build. Don't start a relationship with someone today and except the person to flow with you immediately. Give it time and let the seed of your relationship grow. 

 6.  YOU DON'T LEAVE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION: Whenever you want to meet people, always think of how you can leave a very good and unique first impression. The person you're willing to meet meets many people everyday, but think of what you can do to make the person not forget you for a long time. You have to come up with something. You have to be smart. 

If you haven't figured out how to leave a lasting impression yet, please don't try to meet the person. It'll be in futility. Let me ask you: if you meet Elon Musk today, what would you do/say to make him remember you forever?

 7.  YOU ARE FOCUSING ON QUANTITY, NOT QUALITY - You don't need to know all the people in the world, just the right ones in strategic places. You need to create an atmosphere of quality relationships in your life. It is not everybody that you must meet. It is not everybody that you must get close to. If not, the few quality relationships you have are on the verge of decay.

PRO TIP: What are people saying about you? Are you the guy who seeks to add value to people or you're the parasitic friend? It is easier for people to connect with those they've had good testimonies about prior to meeting them. 

History is littered with stories of men who spent the currency of relationships during their lifetime. The currency of relationship is difficult to acquire but once acquired, can transform the life of any man inside out. Relationships are hard to build, and maintain, but trust me, they're worth the blood, sweat and tears.


7 RELATIONSHIP NUGGETS

© April, 2021. Praise Ogunleke. All Rights Reserved

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