KONJI WANTS TO KILL ME

• Bianca Ihua

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"Jane, you are too young," Pastor Thomas said to me. He was the lead pastor of Abundant Victory Ministry. A midget who was in his mid-fifties. Many people believed he was so powerful when he spoke, but I didn't think so. I only liked the fact that he was concerned about the welfare of his members, though he over-did it.

"You know you are young, too young," he reminded me. I hated his guts. By the way who said a twenty-year-old woman was too young to get married? Who made that decree? Or was that the new law in our country or in the Bible?

"How old are you again?" he asked, not because he didn't know, but because he wanted me to spell it out to him.

"Twenty, sir," I said in the most polite way. 

"Twenty? When did you become twenty? You're just nineteen!" he remarked. 

"But sir, there is no difference, since I'll be twenty in September," I told him.

"That's in seven months, isn't it?" he intentionally asked. This was another question that irritated me. Did he not have a calendar on his phone or what? A Power-Must-Change-Hands calendar boldly stared at him in the face. It was so large on the wall, so glaring for everyone to see. 

"I think you should wait till you are...er... twenty-four. Then you can think of getting married. Why are children of these days in a haste to get married? Why the rush? I mean, you should wait for a couple of years. Or have you found someone? I'm sure it's only a crush or what do you people call it? When you are more mature, you can get married," he thought that was a piece of advice. 

"Sir, I want to get married," I insisted. My stubborn self would never take 'no' for an answer. If my mum had not reported me to him, this discussion wouldn't had taken place.

"My daughter, you are too young. Wait for four years more."

"Sir, please, this is what I want. Marriage is what I want."

"Nineteen years is not permissible in this church!" he retorted. "Look at you. You have a very bright future. You don't need to marry this early. You should concentrate more on your studies and get good grades. I know for sure that you are an A-student. I'm glad you are still on a first class," he grinned. And then continued, "What exactly is the problem, Jane? Why is marriage your priority now? I don't want to believe there's one boy wooing you. You are too precious to waste your time with frivolity and youthful lust. The Bible says–" 

I didn't even wait for him to use the Bible to make excuses before I voiced, "Konji wants to kill me!"

Pastor Thomas felt the bombshell. It hit him so much that speechlessness held him for minutes. I didn't mind the look he gave; I decided to state why I had resorted to marriage.

"It's Konji, sir. I'm tired of watching porn and masturbating. I want to get married. I need to get married. You were the one that preached the other day that fornication was sinful. I have decided to marry so I won't commit sin. I have sex-chatted many guys. I'm tired, sir. I have to get married. Please, sir, I don't want to go to hell. Let me marry, please." Even with all I explained, he let out a 'hmm' sound.

KONJI  WANTS TO KILL ME

© 2021 Bianca Ihua. All Rights Reserved.

Brief:

In the short story "Konji Wants to Kill Me," the protagonist, Jane, is a 20-year-old lady who wants to get married. She goes to talk to her pastor, Pastor Thomas, about her plans. She explains to the pastor that she's tired of watching porn, masturbating, and engaging in sexual conversations with guys, and she believes that marriage will help her avoid sin and prevent her from going to hell. The story highlights the tension between Jane's desire for marriage and the pastor's advice to wait.