Love Passed By
It has been said that every person will find somebody that will be his or her one true love. And it only happens once. Faces may come and go, but there will be only one soul that we’ll long for forever. Unfortunately, no part of history assured that our one true love will be the same person with whom we will spend the rest of our lives.
It is heartbreaking that we’re among the souls that failed to spend the rest of our lives together.
My fading memory, flimsy hands, and faint voice remind me how long it has been since I had you. As I live the rest of my life without you, allow me to put into words the feelings that I have. Although this act may seem futile, as I know that no matter how hard I write, what words I use, this piece of paper that I write on will not be my ticket back into your arms.
It was an ordinary day – classes to attend, teachers to tell me things that I never found interesting, friends to fool around with. My ordinary day was about to turn into what it was supposed to be – ordinary. But an unexplainable instance happened. I saw you. There you were – standing, very much unaware of the beauty that you hold. Oblivious that at that very instance, you gave somebody an extraordinary feeling.
Fate must have been in a very playful mood that day because out of all the people at that exact time, in that particular place, fate chose your eyes to meet mine.
I’ve never considered myself a romantic person. I laughed at my friends who believed in love-at-first-sight, but as I looked into your eyes, I knew at that moment that my life has been changed forever. At that very moment, I knew I’d like to spend the rest of my life knowing that those eyes will be looking at me.
I’ve believed that love is developed through time, life showed me otherwise. As I looked at you, I was certain that all the time on earth will not be enough to equal how I felt. Probably fate decided to make a play and we were the lucky people that she chose. My feelings were not left unanswered. You and I shared the same questions and we have considered each other as the best possible answer.
As days passed, I fell deeper in love with you. I loved your conservative views in life even though it never gave me a chance to know the taste of your lips. I loved how you could correct my faults without making me feel embarrassed. I loved how you could make me feel that I want to be a better person so I could deserve someone like you.
I loved your soothing voice, the touch of your hand as I hold it like the most precious gem in the world. I loved your shy yet confident manner of carrying yourself. I loved everything about you, and your imperfections made me want to protect you. I could write a thousand reasons why I loved you and still not be able to describe how much I love you, Oluwapelumi. One thing was certain though, I loved that you were mine.
Until now, I wonder why I made those mistakes. I’ve hurt you and that is what pains me most. Perhaps it is human to make mistakes, but it is never our nature to be prepared for the consequences of all our faults.
Why did I make the mistake of causing you pain? I still don’t have the answer yet, and I intend to keep it that way. Because having an answer would mean that I have rationalized and accepted the fact that I’ve hurt you.
I intend to keep all the happy memories and painful events because after all, they are all about you. They are all that I’m left with. It gives me so much anguish to realize that what I have left of you are impalpable images. I was a fool for hurting you, but holding on to your memories is never foolish.
I’m not writing this out of guilt. I’m doing this because this is the only feeling that could define what love is for me. You are what love means to me. Not words, not the letters that I write to you.
I’ve spent my life journey with different people. I’ve even met someone whom I spent my life with. And I loved them, believe me. I could even say that I’ve lived a wonderful life, yet never complete. There was always something missing. At times, I tried to look around hoping to find the same set of eyes that I have been longing for looking at me. Every time I fail, I realize that my world will never be the same again, without you.
I’ve experienced a lot of things. I have been happy and I have been sad. I’ve been at my all-time highs and I’ve been at my all-time lows. At the end of every day, the feeling of wanting to share it with you burns inside of me. I’ve always wanted to let you know how I felt. As I faced every day without you taking part in my jubilation or grief, I felt empty.
If I’ll be asked if I would undo the mistakes I made if possible, forgive me if I do not know the answer. Yes, it would mean a perfect life together, but it would also mean that I regret everything the people I have met and the lives that I have brought into this world from nothingness.
My depression has deteriorated my mind. I often forget a lot of things, even things that are very much essential to my very existence. Yet, I have never lived a single day without you crossing my mind.
I doubt if I will be able to live long enough to know if you will be able to read this. But one thing is certain; I’ll leave this world with your memories and I’ll depart with contentment because, in those memories, you are there. In those memories, you are mine — the love of my life.
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| Alarmy |
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