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Fault In Love


My heart is in pain, and I really don't know what love is about. But when I look at the stars I feel everything would change for the better.

I'm khian, a girl with so much loneliness and grieve. I suffered from cancer in my late teens at the age of thirteen. It's actually a hilarious sickness I wouldn't want my enemy to experience.

Due to my state of health, I received all the attention I needed from my parents. I actually never went to school, because of the fear that I could have cardiac arrest unexpectedly and so I had to be in check all time. My routine was a very boring one, I only saw the sky when I have doctors appointment, that's how much pain I felt being in that state of mind. 

My parents noticed I was gradually moving into depression, so they needed to act fast. Having discovered a health programme where children with the same illness come together to find happiness, and feel human, my love story began. 

Before I attend the programme, I always had to carry my oxygen bag around, because it's connected to my nose. I so much envy people that breath clean air without paying for it, I had no choice though, it's something I was used to already. 

I found my way to the programme a  week after, carrying my baby bag around. I called it that because my life actually depends on it. I walked swiftly to the auditorium, and by mistake I bumped into a guy. Gosh! I'm sorry I said walking swiftly embarrassed. And suddenly I felt a warm hand pulling me backwards, I turned and saw a man with a broad smile, apologizing. 

"It's okay"

During the class he was staring at me, I was already feeling uncomfortable, but I didn't bother because I heard stories of my colleagues suffering from different form of cancer. I was astonished, and thank God mine was fair. My prince charming had cancer of the leg, and it was amputated to avoid spread of diseases. He has an artificial leg on, and he was always happy, like someone without issues. 

We got talking after the class and he proposed friendship to me, after which  he offered to show me around. I was really skeptical about it, then mum drove in and he quickly introduced himself, telling mum about his proposal, and mum granted him access. I was happy, for once I'm going to feel happy and fulfilled. We went to the zoo, watched animals play. It was a fun filled experience. 

Months had passed and our friendship became stronger, we got into a relationship and we're good. But the painful part of my love story was my prince was dying soon. He has limited time to stay on earth, and he vowed using his last days to love me. So painful. Though we had our best days, but this feeling kept ringing in my heart, most especially my inability to help him out of such state. For prince, he wasn't looking bothered at all, he was full of happiness and joy. How is that possible?

Prince silently told me he actually wanted to attend his death ceremony and experience how it felt, he told me to write my tribute and read it for him in church with his other friends organizing it. I was a bit scared, but I had to grant his request. On that day I read it with tears in my eyes. 

"Dear prince,

I actually don't want you dead, because with you I have found life and happiness, I have fulfilment of purpose, I have known love and I'm happy. Knowing that you would be gone for so long without returning brings me cardiac arrest, but as you would say 'God knows why, I wouldn't question God'. But I want you to know I love you so much and I'm happy I'm spending the last days with you. I'm not a perfect girl, we have fought, cried together and you're a perfect soulmate. I'm grateful for the times spent with you. Thank you for loving this imperfect girl. I love you. 
                Yours sincerely, 

I looked up to see him in tears, running to hug me, I felt pain again, I wanted to give a sentence without disappearing into the world of tears, but I failed. 

Weeks later, I lost the only person that made life meaningful and my sanity too.

Fault In Love
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